People - People Who Don't Need People

From a pool of about seven billion, those hard-workingscheming, backstabbing high schoolers." Just what
geniuses at People magazine have managed to findAmerica needs. More future business executives and
the hundred most beautiful people in the whole widepoliticians.
world. And-get ready for the surprise-almost everyThe first few years, when the magazine editors could
one of those beautiful people are rich Americanfind only 50 beautiful people, there was a fairly even
celebrities.split between men and women. This year, about 90
For almost two decades, People's editors believe theypercent are women. Except for six athletes (three
have been given the divine right to anoint who theymen and three women), the rest are actors, singers,
believe to be the most beautiful people on the planet.dancers, and models.
The ethnocentric celebrity-fawning People editors areThree years after the first list came out, People
so secure in their self-imposed knowledge that theyrecognized the elderly. Of course, the elderly were
don't even tell us what criteria they used to make theirPaul Newman, Faye Dunaway, and Barbara Babcock.
determinations. Not even an "editor's note," common inThis year, there's a special color spread deep in the
most magazines.magazine on pages 174-175 for 40 celebrities, 10 in
For the first few years, People etched their version ofeach of the categories of 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s.
reality into our minds by attaching cutesy capsulatedPeople once selected size 5-foot-11 size14 model
biographies to full page color pictures of the mostEmme as a beautiful person. It championed her as
beautiful. This year, the writing is minimal, the design isrepresentative of the "burgeoning large-size modeling
almost to the level that a good college journalism orindustry." Of course, these vacuous editors have no
graphics arts student could create and, except for aidea that a size 14 isn't large-it is the average size of
few full page and two-page spreads, most picturesAmerican women. This year, the only large size
are no bigger than thumbnail size.models are in full page ads for Jenny Craig diets and
Leading off the 69-page special section is actressCurvation underwear, which declared, "Style starts with
Kate Hudson. Advance stories about her selectionthe Side Shaper Underwire bra and shaping panty."
appeared in just about every American newspaperTeachers, social workers, and medical researchers, no
and major website, all of which think stories aboutmatter how beautiful, didn't make this year's cut. But,
celebrities are more important than stories about thethey shouldn't worry about it. Neither did Miss America,
recession. Also on the list are Taylor Swift, MileyMiss USA, Miss World, Mr. Universe, or, for that matter,
Cyrus, Ashton Kutcher, and Norah Jones. The sevenMiss Crustacean, Ocean City, New Jersey's, salty
member cast of TV's "Gossip Girl" made the list.tribute to hermit crabs, and a spoof of the beauty
"Onscreen," People told us, "they are gorgeous,contest that once inhabited next-door Atlantic City.